Ajib Gathoni Warns Couples Against Romanticising Struggles in Relationships

TikTok star Ajib Gathoni has advised couples to stop normalising emotional and relationship struggles, saying many people are raised to believe that hardship is part of love. Speaking on a podcast on Wednesday, December 10, 2025, she shared that this belief often shapes unhealthy expectations and pushes partners into situations that can easily become toxic.

Ajib highlighted how traditional narratives around gender roles continue to influence how couples relate. She noted that many people are taught from childhood that men must lead while women follow. This belief, she said, creates unnecessary pressure that can make relationships unstable when the expected roles shift.

She stated, “We are born to believe, or rather, we are taught to believe that men are the leaders. Like men lead, women follow.” Ajib explained that when this dynamic changes, some men may respond emotionally because they feel they are failing at what they were taught to be. She said the pressure to fit into a leadership role can affect men deeply, sometimes pushing them into harmful behaviour.

According to Ajib, when a man feels he is no longer in control, tension can build and turn unhealthy very quickly. She described two outcomes she believes commonly appear when the expected roles are reversed. The first is anger. She explained that when a man feels he is not fulfilling society’s expectations, he may become resentful and overwhelmed.

Why Does Ajib Believe Struggle Should Not Be Normalised?

Ajib warned that some men may respond with violence when they feel they are not leading. She explained, “Also, I stand corrected, but I think this might go two ways, right? This man might turn out to be completely violent because now he hates himself for not having to lead. For having to have this woman lead him now.” She added that in such cases, he may no longer care about anything around him and may direct his frustration toward the relationship. She said this happens because “the truth of the matter is, they are not able to do it,” which can push them into anger and destructive reactions.

Her second possible outcome is the man withdrawing emotionally and becoming overly submissive. She described this as a situation where he may “nyenyekea and be a little boy and say yes to whatever you say.” According to Ajib, this pattern is equally unhealthy because it removes balance and genuine communication from the relationship.

Should Couples Stop Celebrating Relationship Hardship?

During the podcast, Ajib and her co-host Martina emphasised that they do not believe in struggling with someone as a measure of commitment. They encouraged couples to rethink the idea that hardship automatically means love is real or strong. Instead, they urged people to recognise when a situation is becoming harmful and to avoid romanticising sacrifice or emotional pain.

The conversation underscored a message aimed at young couples: relationships require honesty, communication and mutual respect, not suffering. Ajib’s call to stop glorifying struggle encourages partners to build healthier dynamics rather than relying on outdated expectations that can damage emotional well-being.

By Risper Akinyi